Our break-up letter to all resumes

It’s no secret that we have a difficult relationship with our resumes. So we’re staging an intervention. Read on to find out why we think it’s time to break up and move on.

Dear Resume,

I’m writing this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you today.

Things haven’t been good between us for a while. I remember clearly the first time I had to hire someone. I’d encountered you before, having been on the other side of things so many times. There’s no pain quite like looking for employment and being stuck in that cycle of relentlessly writing, editing, and submitting resumes, hoping something sticks. Surely, I thought to myself, receiving resumes will be so much nicer than sending them out. 

How wrong I was. As it turns out, there’s also no pain quite like drowning in resumes. No matter which side of the hiring process I’m on, you’re a pain in the ass. You make candidates feel like they have to lie or inflate themselves, and then you drain me of the time, energy, and clarity that I need to make the best hiring decisions. 

When I’m stuck with an inbox full of resumes and can only assign a matter of seconds to each one, sometimes I have no choice but to reject people for arbitrary reasons. None of the information you provide actually tells me which applicants have the skills for the job. It’s like you actively want to make my job more difficult, and I’ve started to resent you for it. 

We don’t and never did have a healthy relationship. For a while, I started to think I was just bad at my job. But I’ve finally realized that it’s not me. You are the problem.

I’ve also met someone else. I have a handsome piece of software which means I don’t need you anymore. It’s called TestGorilla and we met online. It gives candidates the chance to demonstrate their skills, rather than relying on you to do it for them, and it turns out they’re far better at it than you are. They can’t lie or cheat, and I can make data-driven decisions and spend more time getting to know my top candidates.

You’re outdated and irrelevant, and I’m already happier without you. I have no fond memories, but I’ll never forget the time we spent together. Maybe this part is unfortunate – they were some of the most boring and frustrating hours of my working life.

I hope you understand why our separation is necessary. Please do not try to contact me.

Yours no longer, 

[Signed]